Recently, a team of geo-microbiologists at Penn State University discovered that the origin of life on Earth may not have dropped out of the blue via some sort of extra-terrestrial panspermian planting, or accidentally (magically?) popped into existence when lifeless primordial goo was zapped by a purposeless and random prehistoric lightning strike.
While experimenting in the lab, the Penn State scientists discovered that a lifeless microbe (Methanosarcina acetevorans) actually passed gas which conceivably …(no pun intended!)….could have somehow attracted enough randomly available DNA/RNA-type molecules to itself to have produced real, self-replicating life on planet Earth!
According to this theory… (hold on to your “whoopie-cushion”, folks)…, we are basically nothing more than the accidental (and unintelligently designed) offspring of tiny, dead microbial ‘flatulence’.
(You may read about it here.)
Of course, you and I may chuckle at this latest “scientific” foray into the land of bizarre spiritual speculation and metaphysics, but apparently this is Fundamentalist Scientism’s most recent chapter in her religious gospel Creation Myth.
The problem is, unlike most of us….the High Priests of Scientism don’t appear to be laughing. In fact, they seem to be quite deadly serious.
Presumably, this latest “scientific” revelation and Creation Story will be discussed and batted around in our children’s classrooms everywhere as if it were actually a plausible theory of the beginning of life.
New Age Scientism (aka, Macro-cadabra Evolutionism), meet your Metaphysical Mama: neo-pagan Alchemy.
How the “magik arts” have evolved!
(Idolatry warmed over and served yet again…)*
What a gas!
(Eerie Theory…Breaking Wind)
Some say Time ‘n’ Space erupted
In a past gas incident…
But now Scientists inform us
Of a new passed-gas event!
Guess where mankind got its start…..?!
Little microbes in deep water…
Tiny bubbles in the dark!
Something smells here…
(This is Science!
You should know…..
Gassy-Passion was in fashion,
Life emerged right then ‘n’ there!
Rocket Science clears the air!
Found an outlet, if you please…!
Life emerged from microbe gashes!
Meat-Man’s Laboratory Logos…
(Oh my Word!…It’s Heaven-Scent!)
So, breath free, Ye True Believers…
Hold yer noses!
Did you hear that “Missing Link”!?
Alchemy has come full circle,
And she’s puttin’ up a stink!
Right from under Darwin’s…. spell!
Praise Pollutin’-Tootin’ Microbes!
(This shell-game’s still selling well!)
Quite a neo-pagan hat-trick…
Like witchcraft we all thought dead!
Sacred life transformed from gasses,
Man! Like gold is made from lead!
Conjured up idolatries;
It’s an Evo-Love Affair!
Darwin’s brought ‘em all together…
Cheek to cheek…
Without a care!
They’re on emission!
Gospel-spreading far and wide!
“Life’s Creator was a microbe!”
(Mama-Gas, meet Human Pride.)
Give ‘em all a huge ovation!
Here’s your Nobel Prize, my friend…
For this strange Creation Story,
You deserve this lofty honor!
Yes, Ol’ Bean, you should be proud!
You’ve been under lots of pressure….
Now we’ve heard you….
Clear and loud!
We admire your Nosey-Gnosis!
We applaud your expertise!
And your Gospel Vapor-Paper
Has us gasping on our knees!
There you have it, Lord…..
Man’s “intelligent design”.
Yes, the “Brights” are out of theories…
And they’re running out of time.
Lord, we love to worship Reason,
Because Reason starts with “ME”…
And a microbe-gas “creator”
Insures our Autonomy!
Accidental gas can’t judge us…
And we like it just that way!
So we stick with Darwin’s Dogma…
Then our Faith blows You away!